Two Strong
by Decadebaby
Summary: She crossed an ocean in his darkest hour. (AU)
1. Chapter 1

_I was a pretty big Hunter fan as a kid - watched every show - in the days before DVRs, I used to set my alarm for 1 in the am to sneak and watch an old rerun in the middle of the night. (Kids these days! They don't know how good they've got it!)_

_I recently saw an interview of Stephanie Kramer who talked about the fact that they never intended for the two main characters to be involved romantically, but rather wanted to portray a strong friendship/partnership over time. As a kid, I wanted nothing more than for the two of them to end up together, but rewatching it now, I like the idea of them having an enduring friendship._

_So I wrote this ignoring everything after the end of the last episode of season 7, which makes this AU, I suppose. I hope you enjoy it and whatnot - and appreciate any reviews._

_***H***_

**ONE**

The knocking was constant and relentless. He stumbled forward annoyed, hoping that they would just leave, but after twenty minutes of knocking he realized he was going to have to open the door. He had come out here with the hope that no one would be able to find him. He just wanted to forget and not have any well-meaning people try to comfort him.

"What the hell is your problem?" He asked swinging the door open, surprised to see only the darkness of an unforgiving sky. Perhaps he had imagined the knocking.

"Down here, big guy."

One syllable was all he needed to recognize her voice. He'd been listening to it nearly fifteen years. Looking down into her familiar face, he is simultaneously hit with fear and relief. He had wanted to be alone; didn't want to have to face any of it. But now, he is face to face with the only person left on the earth who can get past any barriers he has put up.

"Ah, shit, Dee Dee. What the hell are you doing here?" Staggering back from her in shock, he finds himself unsteady on his feet - and it isn't just because of the half-empty whiskey bottle in his hand.

"That's no kind of greeting. I flew all night and this is how you say hello?" She reaches out with her small hand, patting his chest affectionately. "Seriously? You've lost your touch Hunter." Shaking her head she steps closer. "Invite me in."

"What?" He stares at her momentarily confused, and then shaking himself out of his stupor says, "Yeah. Come on in." He steps back into the disaster he's called home for the past few weeks, and she follows him inside. He watches her as she surveys the wreck; watches her as she fights down saying something to him about how much he's allowed things to fall apart. If the circumstances were different, he would have laughed out loud at her attempt to keep her thoughts to herself; staying quiet was never his partner's strong suit.

"I thought you were getting rid of this place?" She asks him, demonstrating impressive restraint. She moves to the counter and lifts up an abandoned bottle of whiskey before setting it back down with the shake of her head. It is not the only empty bottle. He shrugs, not willing to open his mouth and speak to her; knowing full well that she won't put up with any of his attempts at evasion.

"Where's Little Dee?" She asks, glancing around again, worry etched across her face.

"Jody has her." His terse reply hides the truth; that he and Jody had an honest-to-God shouting match over Little Dee that ended with him alone with his whiskey.

It figures McCall _would_ go straight for the throat. She was never mild-mannered and time clearly hasn't changed it. A wave of shame and guilt washes over him, but he just shrugs and lifts the bottle to his lips.

"Apparently, I am currently unfit. Can you believe it?"

"Rick . . ."

"Don't start McCall. . ." He catches himself realizing she isn't McCall anymore; hasn't been for nearly seven years. "That's right. Wrong name. Sorry." He lifts the bottle again.

"Hey, how about some food? When's the last time you ate?"

"You gonna cook?" His eyes widen in shock. "I must be in bad shape!" Shaking his head, he continues. "Why they hell did you come here! Jesus, Dee Dee. You shouldn't be flying! Alex must be pissed as hell at you for this!"

"He drove me to the airport." She steps forward placing a hand on his arm. "You are family." He blinks at this, suddenly unable to swallow. The word _family_ hits him square in the chest like a bullet from a gun.

"Come on, Rick. Sit down." She continues, gently. Stunned and dizzy, he allows her to lead him to the couch where he sits down heavily. Her gentle fingers lift the bottle from his hand. Setting the bottle on the coffee table, she sits beside him.

"You shouldn't have come." His voice is softer now.

"Well, you should've answered your phone then. You put me in a tough spot. In six weeks they won't let me fly at all." Her hand rests lightly on her swollen stomach. "It was now or wait three months. And it doesn't look like waiting three months would've been a good idea." She lifts a hand gesturing to the mess that surrounds him.

"Couldn't find the phone. Housekeeper quit." His tone is so bitter and sharp that it startles her. He turns his face from her. There is no way he is going to look into her eyes. He figures if he is enough of a jackass to her, she'll go away and leave him; leave him with his misery.

They sit together in silence and he can feel her eyes resting on him - no doubt she's reading him like a book. He is sitting slumped in an old surf shirt that he's had as long as she's known him. The colors have faded but it fits him still. His face is grey and worn and he has dark circles under his blue eyes. He won't look her straight in the eye; his tell-tale sign of trouble.

His eyes had surprised her when she first met him -a lifetime ago. Everyone said he was a hardass and he was, but there was a deep kindness in his eyes. She knew instinctively she could trust him; that there was a lot more brewing beneath the surface. Over time, she'd learned that it was true what they said, "Still waters, run deep." He wasn't a man for words - but he wasn't an unfeeling, tough guy by a long stretch. She had found that there was no one on earth that she could count on like him. Even now, married nearly, seven years, she still felt the strong urge to call him first to hash things out. It wasn't enough to talk to Alex about things, she needed him, too. And for the last seven years they'd talked nearly every day - a quick phone call, an email - never more than a couple of days had passed without the sound of his voice on the other end of the phone. She had learned how to read his moods without seeing his blue eyes; had to learn to distinguish the truth hidden in his grunts and silences.

It has been six weeks since the last time she saw him, but he seems to have aged years, which is understandable considering the situation. She can tell he is determined to push her away; push everyone away, so that he can suffer all alone. She can feel his pain, not just because he's her dearest friend, but because it is familiar pain. It is a pain she knows and her heart wells with compassion for him, and a deep sorrow that he has to feel this loss too. It is clear he is in deep pain. She can see past the anger, the alcohol and even his attempts to make himself unloveable. She had been so worried. Their last conversation had gone so badly, and she could see him alone, bitter, pushing everyone away - even imagining him here, in the old beach house, broken and alone.

In the last few weeks, she had called him over and over but he wouldn't pick up. In desperation, she had finally called his cousin who had fairly wept with relief, "Oh, thank God! No one could find your number! Please, you've got to talk to him."

Facing her husband, she wasn't sure how he would react. She didn't know what Alex would say. She was five and a half months pregnant and he was insanely cautious on a good day, but he had surprised her completely and told her to go without any hesitation. "He needs you. He's got no one really, especially now. Bring him back with you!"

The look of surprise on her face made him laugh, and taking her hand in his, Alex had said, "Dee Dee, it was kind of a package deal when I married you. He came along as a bonus! He's family to you and that makes him family to me." He pulled her closer then and she rested her head against his shoulder. "Besides I can't imagine his pain." He shuddered at the thought. "He needs you honey. You have to go. Tomorrow."

She'd been stunned by his compassion toward Hunter. Early on in their marriage, Rick had been a touchy subject until Alex had finally confessed that he was jealous of Rick - afraid that she would one day decide to pursue him. She'd nearly collapsed in a fit of laughter which had led to even greater misunderstanding between them. Finally, after all was said and done, she had explained it to Alex, "I love Rick. I really do. But the two of us together? That would be a disaster! Besides, he was never interested in settling down, and I was. I wasn't willing to be just another girl he _used_ to date. I don't know, I guess he's like a brother."

Now, sitting beside him on his couch in his empty house, she wondered if her coming here was helpful at all. What could she possibly say to him? This wasn't a homicide that he couldn't solve without her help. This wasn't some problem that had a solution. Nothing could be done to change it, and there was nothing she could say or do that would really help. She sighed studying his familiar face feeling completely inadequate.

"Aren't you supposed to say something about everything being alright?" He asked bitterly, turning his head slightly so that he could watch her react to this.

She turned to him, a look of utter shock and disgust on her face. "Why the hell would I say that?" She asked, nauseous at the very thought of offering him something so meaningless. "Nothing can fix this. There's nothing that can make it right."

"I don't think they explained the whole help-Rick-not-be-depressed thing to you." He's turned to face her now, surprised by her honesty, and hopeful that his joking, bitter tone will dance them away from the precipice of truth.

"Damn it, don't joke about it!" She responds angrily. "Hey! I'm not some neighbor with a plate of cookies and empty platitudes about the hereafter! This is me." She rests her hand against her chest, leaning forward so he's forced to look into her eyes. "I'm here now, Rick."

He finally looks directly into her eyes, but only briefly. Her eyes mirror the pain he feels, and he can't bear the anguish of it.

"Leave it alone. I'm drunk anyway." He turns his face from her but she leans closer, one hand gripping his upper forearm tightly.

"You think you can play me?" She shakes her head at him. "I've known you a hundred years! And I'm just about the only one who can read through that tough-guy crap! And I know _this_."

He turns toward her, but this time lifts a hand to cover his face. "McCall . . ."

"That's not my name." She says pointedly. Her voice softens. "The right to that name is buried with Steve. You think _I'm_ gonna leave you alone now?" She brushes tears out of her eyes. Her small hand grips his and they say nothing at all. Her words pierce through his armor, and he can feel his control slipping away. He shrinks down as she continues.

"It hurts so much that you can't even breathe; you don't even want to breathe. You just want to go backwards to before. You want it not to be true. And there's nothing anyone can say or do to fix it." The truth pierces his heart like an arrow that has found it's mark. He can't look at her; can't open his eyes; can't even breathe.

She still holds his hand in hers, but he tries to pull away; to get away from her - to escape the brutal truth that he is so desperately running away from. He is trembling now and he finally escapes her grasp, lifting both hands to cover his face. "Stop it." His voice isn't angry. He is pleading and desperate. "Please, I don't . . ."

Watching him thoughtfully, she relents. "Okay, okay." She whispers gently. She rises from where's she been sitting beside him, and kisses his forehead.

"Lie down. You need to sleep." Helpless, he complies. He allows her to lift his legs up onto the couch, unlacing his shoes, and tucking a blanket around him, as though he were a small child.

"I'm so sorry, Rick. I am just so sorry." Her hand rests on his forehead briefly. His eyes are already closed, the alcohol pulling him under and into an oblivion without any pain.

"You shouldn't have come Dee . . ."

"Sleep, Big Guy. Just sleep."


	2. Chapter 2

Opening his eyes, he was surprised to find himself in the guest bedroom. He frowns trying to remember, but his head is pounding. He has a vague memory of Dee Dee waking him up and leading him upstairs, but isn't sure if it was morning or night. The only he remembers clearly is that she led him left down the hall not right; the closed door to the master bedroom a dark, menacing chasm. Even hungover as he was and groggy from sleep, he recognized this kindness. Now, some time later lying perfectly still he is suffering from the after effect of his days of drinking. He can already feel the pull of the bottle. The light from the windows make it clear to him that it must be day, but he has no desire to face it; no desire to do anything but close his eyes and forget. Below he can hear voices; McCall talking to someone else. _There better not be an intervention going on downstairs_. He thinks wearily. But curiosity finally pushes him to crawl slowly out of the bed. He replaces the sweats he has been wearing for the last week or so, for a pair of jeans that lay slung over a chair. They are still warm from the dryer, but even the smell of the fabric softener pains him; brings with it too many memories.

He is confused momentarily as he steps into the kitchen. It is clean; the counters gleaming and the curtains open. The house is spotless. Dee Dee is talking to two ladies who stand before her nodding their heads.

"That's great. You've worked so hard! Thanks, Marisol. I really appreciate you coming on short notice! It looks great." She glances over at him and continues. "You can start upstairs now. Remember, leave the master suite alone."

"Master suite?" He raises an eyebrow as the two ladies gather their cleaning supplies and head upstairs. "Making my beach house sound like the manor. You've been in England too long." He rubs the back of his neck. "Why is it so bright in here?"

"Well, they just finished washing your windows for one thing and also because it is 1:15. Here." She hands him three pills and a glass of water.

"I'd rather have a drink."

He somehow manages to stretch himself to his full height, hoping his towering presence will be enough to intimidate her. People always used to remark on the height difference between them. _If you stacked two of her - one on each other's shoulders - you would get one Hunter_. That's what people used to say. It isn't precisely true. It would only take one-and-half McCalls, but it doesn't matter anyway. She was never intimidated by his height or his gruff manner. And so, when he looms over her now, she doesn't even react. She simply stands glaring at him silently with one hand on her hip. He recognizes the technique. She's used it thousands of times on weak-willed suspects, who eventually break under the pressure of her stubborn determination. He reaches out, accepting the aspirin and water. Swallowing the pills he says, "Been busy, haven't you?"

"Well, you know how I enjoy a challenge. I bet you feel like hell." Her compassionate smile is too much and he turns from her and even that slight movement brings a wave of nausea.

"You didn't have to do all this. I would've cleaned up eventually."

"I doubt it." She turns from him. "You think you can manage food?"

He shakes his head slowly and sinks into a nearby chair, resting his forehead on the cool surface of the table.

"Maybe later." He groans.

"Well, we've got a tight schedule."

"We do?" He raises his head to look at her.

"Jody's expecting us at 2:30."

"She is? She'll have a shotgun waiting for me then! She's pissed as hell at me." He is embarrassed by the fight; ashamed that he was drunk; ashamed that Jody had to take Deanna away. And even worse than all of that is the fact that Dee Dee knows all about it. He wonders just how much she knows. He rests his head on his arms, leaning over the table, wishing that she would leave so he could drink and go back to bed.

She considers him thoughtfully, and finally responds. "Rick, she's been through a lot. You both have. She was just worried about Deanna. Whatever you both said it came from hurt. You know she only wants what is best for you and for Little Dee."

"So you talked to her." He sighs, hoping that the details of the fight weren't part of the conversation.

He's ashamed to have her witness how much he's allowed things to fall apart; how far he's fallen. He knows she's probably already talked to the chief, and no doubt knows that he's been put on an indefinite leave. The thought of all that she knows causes him to burn with shame, which unexpectedly turns to anger. He glances up at her and feels his mood swing; an unreasonable anger washing over him.

"What do you think you are doing anyway? This isn't any of your business! You show up and start barking orders. I'm not a child! You can't just boss people around! I didn't invite you!"

"No. You didn't." He can hear the hurt in her voice. "You didn't want me here. You made that really clear the last time we talked and then you didn't answer your phone for three weeks!" She sits down across from him and shaking her head, looks at him with those damn, pleading eyes of hers. "What did you think I would do? Jesus, Rick! Look in the mirror! I can't just leave you alone to . . ." She lifts her hands, gesturing wildly. "What if it were flipped around? What if it were me? There's no way you would have stayed away! No way! _You_ wouldn't have waited as long as I did!"

She's right, of course, which is one of the reasons he wanted to keep her away. Truth isn't high on his priority list right now. As fast as his rage swept over him, it abates, and he shakes his head again.

"Well, I guess being five months pregnant slowed you down some.!" He tells her with a grin. Rubbing his face with his hand he continues, "Look, Dee Dee I appreciate you coming here. I appreciate you getting it all cleaned up and smoothing things over with Jody. But I can't . . ." He sighed. "I can't deal with people just now. I say things I shouldn't. I blow up. I can't control it."

"I'm not people."

"Please, Dee Dee, leave it alone. I'm doing the best I can and . . . I just can't be around anyone. My temper just comes over me and I wouldn't want to . . ." He turns his face away. "I couldn't bear it if I hurt you."

"Well, good thing I'm tougher than I look." She answers gently. "Rick, please, let me help you. Just this once, okay?"

"McCall . . ."

"Go on, and take a shower. You don't want to be late, and give Jody a new reason to be mad at you." She grins at him.

"You aren't even listening to me!"

"I am. I understand, and I'm not worried about your anger, okay? I know you'll say something mean to me. It's not like you've been a real sweetheart up until now. I don't care about that. Those things don't matter to you and me. Just go on and take a shower. It won't hurt you to get cleaned up a little."

He sighs deeply and rises, but pauses beside her to squeeze her hand briefly, and she decides that now is as good as a time as any to tell him. She swallows hard, steeling herself to face his reaction. "We need to move pretty quickly once you are dressed. We've got a 6:30 flight."

He stops in his tracks. "Flight! What?"

"I'm bringing you home with me." She rises and steps squarely before him, her small hands resting on his arms, her eyes looking up into his. He says nothing staring at her, trying to process everything, still shocked that she is even here standing in front of him.

"I'm going to London?" He doesn't explode with anger as she had anticipated but asks the question in a flat, emotionless voice.

"You and little D." She answers calmly. "I packed you a bag from here but if there are things you need from the house, we can go there after we get Deanna."

He does explode at this - just the mention of the sunny house on the outskirts of LA bringing a sharp pain.

"No. I can't go back there." He steps back and away from her. "I haven't been back since . . ."

A wave of exhaustion washes over him. It is too early for all this. He's barely been awake twenty minutes; its the first time he's been completely sober in days. He had forgotten how completely exhausting fighting with her was. She's worn him down. He runs a hand over his head completely exasperated.

"I can't go. There's no way I could . . ." He shakes his head at her. "It would just be running away."

"As opposed to sitting here drinking while your sister-in-law raises your daughter?"

Her words are sharp and he remembers now why they survived so long working side-by-side. She was as sweet and feminine as any woman he'd ever known, but she was tough too. She was tougher than him - something that he'd always suspected, but now found to be glaringly true in the light of recent events. As far as he knew, she had never fallen down inside of a bottle trying to forget.

"You don't got to baby me, McCall. I mean, don't pull your punches or anything." He says sarcastically.

"I never have." Which is true, but he can see she feels guilty about it. Sighing she continues. "Rick, I'm not leaving you all alone here. I am not." Her voice is firm and he recognizes the tone. There's no way she'll budge. "Unless you want to call Alex and explain to him that his baby is going to be born in LA because you are too damn stubborn to get on a plane, I suggest you just give in and go."

"It won't solve anything."

"It solves me being worried about you." She says stepping closer to him again. "You could use a break, Rick. It would be so good to be somewhere where you aren't constantly surrounded by reminders. Just come home with me. It's a big house, and I swear I'll leave you alone."

"You've never once left me alone."

"Hey, you are just as bad." She points out to him and he remembers all the times, he's forced her to accept his help. His eyes lock onto hers, and she can probably tell that he is already wavering.

"I already bought the tickets. Go take a shower."

"It would be a mistake. I know what you are trying to do. But I'm not good around people right now."

"You've _never_ been good around people. And I'm not people. You are coming home with me. The guest suite is ready. Alex set up AJ's old crib. So, quit arguing. You know I'm right."

Part of him wants to say yes. He wants to allow himself to fall into her arms and weep all the bitter tears locked inside him, but he is terrified. She has pushed him into a corner, and he recognizes that he is going to have to tell her the truth; she won't accept any excuses. Frustrated and ashamed, he hangs his head and confesses in a whisper, "You don't understand. I don't want to do anything but drink and forget."

"_I_ don't understand? You really think that?" Her voice is soft and compassionate, and he realizes that it wasn't revelation to her. She already knew; known how far he's fallen and yet here she stands loving and accepting even still. "Rick, I just might be the only one who understands." She rubs his arm gently. "Let me do this, please? I won't go back home without you. I'm not leaving you alone. You need your family, now."

He is silent, unable to respond, overwhelmed with emotion. He knows he's lost, but fighting with her was almost always a losing proposition. She was completely impossible from the very first day he met her. He swallows hard, and drawing in a deep steadying breath, decides that his only way out is teasing her.

"What about Jody?" He asks with a grin and she laughs remembering the time she met his stiff and formal sister-in-law.

"Real family, Rick. Someone who can see past all the things you do to convince people you are a jerk." She glances at the clock. "Go on. Deanna's waiting."

"Fine." He rises quickly and frustrated with her stubbornness, storms up the stairs. He pauses a moment at the top, and looks down at her.

"You're a real pain in the ass, McCall."

"I missed you, too, Hunter."


	3. Chapter 3

THREE

Standing on Jody's front porch stone-cold sober, Rick Hunter is pretty sure he is experiencing a mild heart attack. His palms are sweaty, his heart is pounding, and the only thing keeping him from running in the opposite direction as fast as he can is a two-year old with dimples and sandy blond hair. He glances at McCall who lifts her hand to knock saying, "Ready?"

"Not really."

She smiles warmly at him, and he is surprised that she doesn't use this tremendous opportunity to tease him. She's gone soft in her old age. He grins inwardly at this, but then his grin quickly fades as he realizes why she's backed off, and doesn't tease him. One word has changed everything; one moment fractured his life into before and after.

Widower.

He has been redefined by it. Before he even really had proper time to adjust to the word husband; he has a new identity. It has changed how everyone sees him. He is "that poor guy". He can hear their whispers. "They say Hunter's gone soft; can't do the job anymore." No one treats him the way they used to - her death stands between him and everyone else; even McCall.

"Go ahead." He says with a heavy sigh.

She glances up at him, at the sound of the sigh, and something in her eyes shifts and she surprises him completely when she grins up at him and says, "You aren't gonna need a tissue there are you, big guy? You want me to hold your hand or something?"

And the beauty of her teasing him at just that moment is so sharp that he nearly does need a tissue. The sweetness of her treating him as she always did so rich and comforting. Instead he shrugs and says as nonchalantly as possible, "I'm not scared."

"Right." She says sarcastically, and turning she knocks on the front door, but her other hand clings tightly to his.

The door opens faster than he's prepared for and seconds later he finds himself blinking into the eyes of Corrie's sister, who thank God bears only a slight resemblance to her younger sister.

"Rick!" She says and her tone is cautious but warm. She reaches out and squeezes his arm, but then turning her head slightly, she spots Dee Dee. Her face breaks into a wide and happy grin. "Dee Dee!" She reaches out to embrace his ex-partner. Corrie's family long ago had accepted that Dee Dee was part of his family - especially after Deanna had been born.

"You look good." Jody continues. "You must be tired though."

"I'm fine." She answers, but her eyes are already searching past Jody. "Where is she?"

"In the livingroom with Bill." Before Jody even finishes the sentence, Dee Dee is gone; abandoning him. He shifts his feet nervously.

"I guess we know where we rank." Jody says looking up at him. He tries to smile at her, but finds it difficult.

"She's always been baby crazy." He says trying to sound natural but his voice sounds strange and weak, even to himself. He chews at the corner of his lip and then determines to face things head on.

"Look, Jody, I'm really sorry about everything. I was wrong and I should never have spoken to you like I did."

"I'm sorry too. I was just worried about Deanna. She's all we have left and I just wanted to make sure she was safe."

"No. You were right." He sighs. "And I'm grateful that you and Bill were strong enough to take her like that. I wasn't handling it well. The most important thing is little Dee. You made sure she was safe, and I'll be forever thankful for that." He looks down at the toes of his shoes, shame washing over him. His eyes fill with tears, and embarrassed he glances away before continuing. "I'm just ashamed that I've done so poorly."

Jody reaches out to him, a hand on his upper arm. "There aren't any rules to it, Rick. You are doing the best you can. It isn't in your nature to ask for help. We're sorry that we didn't do a better job of checking in with you. I should've called you and seen how things were going. We left you all alone. We messed up too, and should've thought to see if you needed us. If we had, maybe it could've been avoided."

"She doing okay?" He asks, running a hand over his face, trying to stop any tears from falling.

"She's okay. She misses you both. She'll be so happy to see you." Jody, still holding onto his arm, begins to pull him forward and into the house.

He is anxious to see her. His arms ache to hold her sturdy little body close to his chest, but he knows there is something he has to do first. Something that goes against his nature. He pauses, and pulls Jody toward him, hugging her for the first time since the wedding nearly five years ago.

"Thanks Jody. I know this must be so hard for you - especially to trust me with her after all of this. I promise I won't fall like that again."

He can feel her body shaking with tears and he is reminded again that he is not alone in this vast ocean of grief. She suffers too. She leans back so that she can see up into his face, and wiping her eyes says, "Come on, your daughter is waiting."

Dee Dee is on the floor with her, which considering the size of her stomach is impressive, but typically Dee Dee, too. She loves kids, and this particular little girl is one of her top two - soon to be three. Little Dee is bringing her toys, but pauses, a chubby hand on McCall's shoulder at the sound of footsteps. She tilts her head back looking up, almost falling over as she cranes her head way back to see him.

"Da Da!" She claps her chubby hands together and runs to him, arms out. Leaning low he scoops her up, hugging her fiercely to him. Overwhelmed to have her back; to still have this small piece of Corrie. He walks away from them all, whispering softly to her, kissing her soft cheeks. He continues out into the sunny backyard, his daughter in his arms, filled with sorrow and gratitude.

***Hunter***

Dee Dee finds the two of them later. Deanna is making discoveries in the backyard and bringing him little twigs and flowers. He sits in the deck chair simultaneously comforted and wounded by her. Her smile and bright eyes mirror Corrie's, and he longs to turn his head and see her beside him.

"She missed you." Dee Dee says softly.

He says nothing in response finding that words are difficult. His mind repeats the same phrase over and over: _if only, if only, if only_.

"She's so big now." Dee Dee says shaking her head. "She's not a baby any more."

"No, and she's quick to tell you she's not." He looks up at her. "We need to go now?"

"Yeah, we should. LA traffic." She shrugs.

"I bet you don't miss that."

"You've never been in downtown London." But neither of them moves to leave, and instead, Dee Dee sits down on the arm of the wooden deck chair, one hand resting lightly on his shoulder as they watch her play. Silence was never difficult for the two of them, and that hasn't changed. They sit together in the late afternoon sun watching as Deanna explores on chubby legs. Her eyes bright with happiness at each discovery.

"Everyone thought the name was my idea, but it wasn't. It was her idea." He says quietly. He glances at her face, and after seeing her look of surprise, realizes that they never talked about it. "I wanted to name her Annabelle after my Great Grandmother, but she liked the name Deanna; even liked that it was connected to you. She was so good about that - about you and me, I mean. I guess it was because she understood me so well. She came to me so happy to tell me the idea and I didn't have the heart to tell your first name isn't Deanna."

"Deanna's much better." She says with a grin and wink. There aren't too many people who know her full name. She didn't even use it in her wedding ceremony. "And thank goodness you went with Dee. It takes a lot overcome people's preconceived ideas when you tell them your first name is Dee Dee." She shakes her head.

"Well, a 357 is pretty persuasive." He raises an eyebrow at her.

"I never carried a 357."

"It makes a better story if we pretend you did." She laughs at this.

"I suppose it does. The legend of Hunter and McCall."

Little Dee comes to him, and climbs up into his arms, resting her head against her father's shoulder.

"Da Da." She says and sighs contentedly, two fingers in her mouth. He kisses her on her head, and then repeats. "We should go now."

"We should." She agrees and reaching out runs a hand through Deanna's soft hair. She pauses to plant a soft kiss on his forehead before rising, all business.

"Jody packed a bag for Dee. She went over to the house and got everything that she needs. We don't have to worry about a car seat because we have AJ's old one. Is there anything she'll need that Jody might not know about?"

"No." He says, rising with his daughter in his arms. "I mean. . . ." He sighs heavily. "I don't really know. Corrie always . . ."

"Don't worry. I'm sure she thought of everything." She cuts him off quickly, reaching out and rubbing gentle circles on his back.

He finds saying goodbye to Jody surprisingly difficult. He'd never really got along with her, and always felt that she thought her sister could have done much better than an LA detective. The ride to the airport is nearly silent, and Little Dee falls asleep in her carseat. Bill drives them, Jody can't bear to say goodbye in such a public place. Dee Dee sits up front and from the slump of her shoulders, he realizes that she's fallen asleep too, and he is hit with a wave of guilt thinking of all the work she's done because he was too drunk or too hungover to manage. He made a nearly six month pregnant woman cross a content, clean his house, and drag him back. There must be a special circle in hell reserved just for him. Sighing, he closes his eyes.

***Hunter***

Flying with a two-year old is impossible, but flying from LA to London with a two-year old is stressful beyond all imagining. It takes both of them, and several very patient stewardesses to keep Deanna quiet and happy. Their greatest saving grace however, is that they are sitting across from a grandmother, who mistakenly believes them a family, and takes pity on Dee Dee.

"How about I keep an eye on this one for a little bit." She says cheerfully. "You must be worn out. You could get some sleep." She pats Dee Dee on the knee who looks up at him, but he simply shrugs.

"That would be wonderful."

The older lady switches seats with Dee Dee who falls asleep almost instantly. The lady turns to him saying, "My name is Margaret. I've got a granddaughter just her age."

"Rick." He says politely. "And this is Deanna."

"She's beautiful." She glances over at Dee Dee. "She must get her blond hair from you." She smiles playing a game with Deanna offering the end of her scarf to the little girl, and then sliding the silky material through her fingers.

"Yeah."

"When the second one comes, I don't imagine it will be much easier for you. It won't be easy on your wife."

He turns his face from her, looking out at the sky trying not to remember, but even as she prattles on, he's swept away in old conversations.

"_She's nearly a year and a half old." Corrie says to him, pushing a wild blond hair behind her ear. She's sitting cross-legged on their bed. _

"_I remember." He says sitting down and slipping off his shoes. He's spent his day investigating the murder of seven year old boy, and is haunted by the faces of his parents. His ears still echo with his mother's brokenhearted sobbing._

"_Don't you think she needs someone to play with?" She smiles up at him with bright blue eyes._

"_You mean like a puppy?" _

_He moves to sit on the edge of their bed studying her face. He knows exactly what she means, but enjoys teasing her too much. She's twelve years younger than him, and a former preschool teacher. If you had searched the earth from corner to corner you could not have found someone more opposite to him than her. She is sweet and light; happiness itself. All her hope and optimism should annoy the hell out of him, but it doesn't. He is intoxicated with her._

"_I was thinking brother."_

"_A brother?" He asks._

"_Yeah. Rick Jr. So we have a complete set. You can't have a Dee without a Rick." She teases him._

"_Then we'll have to keep going and have a Corrie too." He leans forward kissing her._

"_Fine by me." She says wrapping her arms around his neck, and leaning up to peer into his eyes. "I'll have dozens of your babies."_

"_Oh, Lord! What have I got myself into?" He shakes his head at her, his arms around her now._

"_A family." She answers with a bright smile. "I tricked you into having a whole family."_

"_You did, didn't you?" He agrees, leaning in for another kiss; feeling all the darkness and anguish of the day slip away from his shoulders. "Funny, how I don't mind one bit."_

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Margaret's voice breaks into his thoughts bringing him back from his warm memory to the starkness of the present.

"Don't know." He says. "It was too soon to tell."

"Really? She looks close to six months. My daughter found out right at twenty weeks."

He shakes his head, unable to explain. It wasn't Dee Dee's baby he was thinking of when he answered.

***Hunter***

He hugs Deanna tighter to his chest. The cold of London is a shock after the warm LA sun. He's bone tired and sick of traveling. Glancing at Dee Dee to his left, he is hit again with guilt. Her face is pale, her big, brown eyes, dim with exhaustion. She has no business traveling like she has been; no business taking so much on her shoulders.

"You alright?" He asks her for the fifth time.

"I'm fine. Jesus, quit acting like a grandmother, Hunter!" She shakes her head, and wraps her coat around herself. She reaches out to pull the hat down on Deanna's head. "She warm enough?"

"She's fine." He says looking up.

He sees Alex first. He stands in the distance, a small boy in his arms. He smiles seeing Alex, Jr. The first time he'd met the boy, he'd been stunned to look into his tiny face and see Dee Dee's eyes blinking up at him. AJ looked more and more like his mother with each passing year.

"Your boys are here." He says to her, pointing in the far distance. She follows his arm with her eyes, and he watches her face change to pure joy at the sight of them. She glances at him, but he only nods.

"We'll catch up."

He stays where he is watching as she moves quickly across the terminal. AJ jumps from his father's arms at the sight of her, and somehow, despite the growing baby inside of her, she lifts the little boy up into a warm hug. _Nothing will stop a Mama_.

He sighs, and kissing Deanna's forehead, he whispers. "Come on, let's go see everyone."

Alex sees him first, and untangles himself from his wife, with a hand outstretched. He hasn't seen Alex in nearly a year- only Dee Dee came for the service.

"Rick. I'm so glad you decided to come." He says squeezing Rick's hand.

"Well, I'm not sure I had much choice. You might not be aware of this but your wife doesn't really take no for an answer."

"No, she doesn't." Alex agrees, laughing, one arm around Dee Dee's shoulders. He sobers, turning serious. "She's been so worried. We both have. I can't say how sorry I am. How much we wish things had turned out differently."

"Yeah."

He can only manage this small word. He and Alex didn't always have the easiest relationship. Even after she'd married and moved away, he felt protective of her. In his phone calls, and later emails, he was always cautious - making sure that Alex was making good on all his promises to her. He wasn't sure he could trust Alex; wasn't sure he could trust him with Dee Dee. It took time for the two of them to accept each other.

The birth of AJ happened about eight months after he met Corrie. By the time he flew out to meet his godson, he was fighting an inner battle between the life he said he never wanted, and a future with Corrie at his side. Dee Dee was swept up in the bliss of motherhood, and so he found himself spilling his guts to Alex who had sat silently listening to Rick list twenty reasons that he could never possible commit to anyone.

"_I mean, she's a preschool teacher for God's sake! I was in junior high when she was born! I'm twelve years older than her! Twelve! She doesn't even know what junior high is! She went to middle school!" He looked up at Alex who said nothing, had been saying nothing for the longest time._

"_Well, you're a married man! What do you think?" He finally demanded._

"_The first time Dee Dee mentioned you, I thought I'd never stand a chance." Alex said unexpectedly. "I mean how could I convince her to commit to me - she was already in a really serious relationship."_

"_Oh, we were never . . ." He flushes embarrassed._

"_I know. I'm talking about what I thought back then. It was clear she loved you and equally clear you loved her, and I thought there wouldn't be any room for me. Hell, even after we married, it made me nervous - her talking to you all the time!" He studied Rick thoughtfully, who hunched down lower trying not to look as guilty as he felt. "But I don't know. I loved her. I can't explain any better now after three years, than I could the first day. I just love her, and so I'll take her as she is - difficult, stubborn, complicated and forever connected to an ex-partner who was at her side through some of her worst and best days. Nothing mattered. I just knew I couldn't be without her. I still can't." He paused leaning forward. "Do you love Corrie?"_

"_I do." It came out so strong that it surprised him._

"_Yeah," Alex said smiling. "You do." He nodded his head with a smile. " So there's no debate is there? You don't really need my advice, do you? "_

"_No."_

_Alex laughed out loud. "Welcome to the club man! Don't worry, I won't spoil it for Dee. You can tell her all about it. Hell, you can repeat this little tale of misery and let her think she convinced you! She'd get a kick out of that! The Great Bachelor settles down at last!"_

"_Me?" He asked blushing. "I'm not the marrying kind."_

"_That's the truth." Dee Dee had said coming into the room, a tiny sleeping child in her arms. Both he and Alex had burst out laughing until she turned to Rick and asked, "What? Did I miss something?"_

"Come on, let's get in the car. You must be exhausted! I can't imagine flying with a two-year old!" He turns to Dee Dee who is holding onto AJ's hand, and reaching down lifts his small son up into his arms. "I bet you didn't rest half as much as you promised you would."

She rolls her eyes at her husband, and offers him a conspiratorial wink. "I followed your every direction, dear."

Alex glances at Rick, raising an eyebrow. "How many times have I heard that?"

"It was a lie every time." Hunter says, winking at her.

"I'm outnumbered." She sighs.

"Surrounded by love." Rick tells her with a grin, and he wraps an arm around her as they make their way through the crowded airport.

The world outside the car window is grey and he is on the wrong side of the road. Every time he comes here, it confuses him. He brought Corrie to see her just two years ago. He glances at Deanna, asleep in her carseat. It was in a downtown London hotel that they made her. Corrie had teased him saying that she wouldn't be surprised if their London-made daughter's first word was tea. They've moved from the city. He'd almost forgotten that. They bought a cottage - that's what Dee Dee had called it - in Enfield just on the outskirts of London. As the countryside rolls past his window, he finds himself being lulled to sleep. They eventually pull up a long driveway stopping in front of a house that looks like it belongs in a storybook.

"Sweetheart." Alex says to Dee Dee, nudging her gently. "We're home."

She stirs and stretches, and turning to look in the back seat where he sits wedged between two car seats.

"Little cottage?" He asks raising an eyebrow at her.

"You live in LA, you know nothing about real houses." She grins at him.

He and Alex carry the children inside. He doesn't know anymore if it is evening or dawn. Alex leads him up a wide staircase and down a dark hallway. He pushes open a door revealing a suite of two rooms.

"Wow!" He says. "Four star treatment."

Alex laughs. "We call it the mother-in-law wing. It is just far enough away to keep Dee Dee's mom from coming down that dark hallway to chat with us at three in the morning. Plus, we tried to make sure she has _everything_ she needs right in here - no need to come and bug us."

Rick laughs thinking of Dee Dee's mother who has never been known to keep her thoughts and opinions to herself. He's been in the middle of some pretty big fights between the two headstrong women.

"You need anything?" Alex asks him.

"No. Go make sure Dee Dee gets some rest." He looks down, shifting Deanna in his arms. "I'm really sorry, Alex. I can't believe you let her fly all that way, and I didn't make things easy on her when she got there. I feel like such a complete jackass."

"Well, I'm not sure I've ever _let her_ do anything." He smiles at Rick, and pats his arm gently. "And soon as I heard, the very first thing I thought was that you needed her." He sighs. "I'm sorry I put an ocean between you. I'm just glad you gave in and came here. She was pacing the floors with worry. I guess the easy way for me to be sure she was okay, was to bring you here. You're welcome as long as you need. Give a holler if you need anything."

"I thought you set up this room so that wouldn't happen." Rick asks with a grin.

"Well, for you, I'll make an exception." He turns leaving Hunter alone for the first time since Dee Dee knocked on his door three days ago. Two days ago? He isn't sure anymore. He sets Deanna down in the crib that sits near a window on the far wall of the room. Sitting on the bed, he realizes that he is so tired, but is pretty sure he'll never be able to sleep. Or maybe he'll never wake up. It isn't like him to lose control of his life like this. She said, "Come back with me." And he did. Now, he isn't sure anymore. He lays back on the bed, his eyes on the ceiling and is almost instantly asleep and just as quickly, he dreams of her.

_She walks to him, dressed in a white dress. He stands barefoot in the sand, smiling, disbelieving that she is walking to him; disbelieving that he is standing and waiting for her. He glances to right, and smiles at Dee Dee, his bestman/bestwoman, who is already crying. He shakes his head at her, and turns back to see Corrie, his bride._

_And then they are dancing, the two of them together, in the cool sand, under a blanket of stars. She is his forever. She smiles up at him, and kisses his cheek, and he can't believe that he has a wife; can't believe that he is husband. _

_Every day she is there at home waiting for him. She spends her evenings cutting out construction paper shapes, and stamping smiley faces on papers, while he tries to erase the memory of human beings destroyed, and tormented. Sometimes, he finds himself sitting beside her helping her cut out twenty-six beautiful paper butterflies; and he is happy. He can hardly recognize himself when he looks in the mirror. _

_The clouds roll in, and it becomes dark. They sit together in a small office. A doctor sits behind a desk apologetic. His eyes are filled with pity._

"_Aggressive chemotherapy is what I would normally recommend . . ." He says gently._

"_No!" The word explodes from Corrie and he turns to her, shocked by her anger. "No! It would hurt the baby."_

_He feels himself struggling now; trying to break free of the dream which has grown dark. It becomes filled with everything he has tried so hard to forget. He tries to push himself upward and away from the sluggish, pull of sleep. He can hear the sound of something in the distance; crying. It is a sad and pathetic sound, and as he surfaces, he wonders if being lost inside old dreams wouldn't be better._

"Mama! Mama!" Deanna chants, standing in her crib. She holds the side in her hands, and tears stream down her tiny face. "Mama! Mama! Mama!" It is a broken wail, and he cannot seem to manage the space between them.

The door opens, and he sees McCall, wrapped in a bathrobe, her curls are wild from sleep, but she looks at him with compassion on her face. She crosses to the crib, lifting Deanna up and into her arms. She whispers softly, cooing gently into the toddlers ears.

"This is the part where I start drinking." He says, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'm really sorry. I should have . . ."

"Hush. I almost got her back to sleep." She moves to the rocking chair in the corner of the room, and sings softly to her, an old lullabye. He sits watching her, gripping the side of the mattress filled with a rage he can't explain - a rage, he is afraid he can't control.

Deanna is asleep again, and she rises, carrying her to the crib. He crosses the floor, lowering the side, so that she can lay Deanna down. He lifts the side again, and the stand shoulder to shoulder gazing down at her.

"I used to think that things would've been so much easier if Steve and I had had a child." She reaches out with a gentle hand, and smooths Deanna's hair. "But I didn't think how much pain it would bring to." She turns to look at him. "All the things that Corrie will miss. I didn't understand how painful that would be. I'm sorry, Rick, and you don't have to apologize for anything - not to me - not ever."

He is unable to speak, but reaches for her hand; comforted by a friendship that is a solid as the earth beneath his feet.


	4. Chapter 4

**FOUR**

It was twenty-four hours later that he found himself in an honest-to-God English garden watching Deanna toddle on unsteady legs chasing butterflies. He smiled watching her face as she clapped her hands joyfully. If nothing else, he was grateful to Dee Dee for this. Much as life pained him, the sight of his daughter brought him joy - even in the midst of his anguish. Her bright blue eyes were lit up with excitement as she explored the world around her.

He glanced at his watch trying to calculate the time. He figured it must be 8:30 or so England time. He sighed, his head throbbing. He rose to direct his little daughter away from the prickly rose bushes, setting her back down on the quilt he'd spread out near the garden chairs. Seeing the carefully constructed pink and green quilt sent a wave of pain through him, as he remembered her long fingers carefully sewing it piece by piece. His memories were interrupted as a four year old boy emerged from the side of the house, his mother slowly following him.

"Unca Rick!" The four year old hurled himself through the air, arms outstretched ready to embrace the tall man.

"AJ! How is my little man?" He asked lifting the boy up into his arms.

"I can ride my trike, now!" AJ declared triumphantly.

"Show me." He set the boy down, and he ran off to the garden shed, but soon returned peddling a red tricycle.

"Way to go!" He cheered half-heartedly. He glanced over at McCall who had lowered herself down on the quilt beside his daughter. Deanna toddled toward her with outstretched arms, and Dee Dee lifted her up, cuddling her close.

"I can't believe it, Hunter. You actually produced a human." She said kissing the girl's cheek.

"Well, I'm a little surprised myself." He said with a shrug. "I can't get over this place. It is about a million miles from downtown LA, huh?" Leaning forward he whispered, in mock seriousness, "Do the locals know you used to dress up as hooker and prowl the streets of LA?"

"I'm sure you'll tell them." She said laughing, but her laughter was interrupted with a loud yawn. "I'm tired. It always takes me two days to get back on schedule." She inclined her head to meet the bright blue eyes of the little girl in her arms. "What about you? You tired, Little Dee?"

"You should go take a nap. I can keep an eye on the monsters." He said reaching for his daughter.

"Da da da!" Deanna chanted her arms outstretched toward her father. Dee Dee, began slowly to struggle to rise, as Hunter offered his arm to help. She settled into the deck chair across from him, smiling as little Dee rests her head against her father's shoulder. He whispers softly to her kissing her forehead.

"Tough guy, huh?" Dee Dee said smiling at him.

"I'm off the clock."

"Momma! Momma, did you see me ride?" AJ asked climbing off his tricycle and climbing up onto the chair beside her.

"I did! You were very fast." She said kissing his cheek. Accepting her praise, the small boy beams, and then hopping down from the chair, crosses to where Hunter is sitting.

"This is the baby?" He asks.

"Yes. This is Deanna." Rick answers, smiling at the little boy. "But she's a big girl now."

"I'm four." AJ declares proudly. "She's littler than me."

"That's true."

"Momma has a baby." AJ says pointing.

"That's right."

AJ rests his hand on Rick's knee, and reaching out, pats Deanna's back gently. "Dentle. Dentle."

Rick turns and raises a questioning eyebrow at McCall.

"Gentle." She explains. "We've been teaching him to be gentle around babies."

The peace of the garden and the familiarity of a faithful friend is deeply comforting to him. He doesn't have to put a wall or fix a mask to his face. He can be himself around Dee Dee, knowing that she'll take him as he is. They've survived some terrible days and nights together. He exhales, and reaches out with his free hand and runs it through AJ's hair.

"Unca Rick, where's Tantie Corrie?" AJ asks innocently.

And suddenly all his peace and comfort his gone. He swallows hard unable to respond; unable to breathe. He meets AJ's bright eyes unable to respond to the little boy who studies him innocently.

"AJ, member? We talked about this." Dee Dee says slowly, rising and crossing to her son, her hand on his small shoulder.

"Tantie Corrie can't come see AJ." AJ says looking at Rick with wide, brown eyes. "Tantie Corrie is gone for always.

He says nothing, just gives a short nod to AJ, and without meeting McCall's compassionate eyes, lifts Deanna and walks away from them.

"Unca? Unca Rick?"

The boy calls, but gets no answer. Dee Dee reaches out a hand to her small son.

"Come on, sweetheart. Show me how you ride."

"Unca Rick mad?" The boy turned his head to her.

"No, he's sad." She answers. "He misses Auntie Corrie."

***HUNTER***

The last time he visited he had shown up at the dinner table wearing a vest and tie. He loved to tease her about becoming an aristocrat. This evening his slips into his chair, after tucking Deanna into the highchair that sits beside the mahogany table - looking somewhat out of place. He glances at the food on the table.

"No tuxedo?" She asks him teasingly, but he just shakes his head at her, glancing at the table in front of him.

"Are those vegetables?" He counters with one eyebrow raised at her.

"Don't start." She says laughing.

"Parenting changes people, I tell you." He says lifting his napkin and shaking it out. "When I knew your mother, she could go a whole day just eating licorice." He tells AJ.

"Don't give him ideas." Alex says laughing.

"Now, I remember why we had to have an ocean between us." She says with a grin.

"That was minimum safe distance from my charm."

As he is speaking, she drops her napkin, but Alex rises quickly and hands it to her, his hand brushing her cheek gently. And the gesture, so loving and intimate, reminds him that the chair across from him is empty. His face pales, and he looks down, suddenly too tired for talking; too tired to eat.

"Maybe I should put Little Dee to sleep." He says swallowing hard to clear the lump in his throat.

"She seems fine. She's eating." Dee Dee says with a glance at Alex. "But we can watch her if you would rather . . ."

"Thanks." He doesn't even wait for her to finish, but rises quickly, and fairly rushes out of the room. It is too painful to see them; to watch the way that Alex glances at her with love in his eyes. A loneliness and longing settles over him.

"Was it something I . . ." Alex asks turning to her, but she shakes her head at him.

"No." She sighs and turning her attention to her son, says, "AJ sit up and eat that broccoli."

***HUNTER***

Alex finds him hours later in the library. He is standing listless in the center of the room staring up at the shelves of books.

"They came with the house." Alex say stepping into the room. "Well, some of them. Dee Dee had a couple of books, too."

"Yeah. She likes to collect things." Rick said. "I'm sorry about earlier. I . . ." He sighs heavily, running a hand over his face. "Where's little Dee?"

"Oh, she's fine. AJ is playing with her and Dee Dee's watching them. Don't worry about it."

"This is why I told her to stay away." He sits heavily in a wing chair. "I'm really sorry, Alex. I know she's worried, and that isn't good for the baby. I should probably . . ."

"Look, Rick, I made my peace with you so long ago. Both Corrie and I had to accept that you and Dee Dee come with strings attached. And, I'm glad you are here. I'm grateful, really. When you wouldn't take her calls . . ." He glances around rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "She was a wreck. She wouldn't sleep; hardly ate. Bringing you here was the easiest way to help her. I hope you don't mind, my using you like this." Alex moved and sat in the wing chair across from him.

"No. That's fine."

"And I sort of need to use you a little more." Alex glanced up tentatively. "I've got to go back to South Africa. If I don't go now, they'll make me go in a few months, and I don't want to leave her with the baby so close. I was sort of hoping you could stick around for a couple weeks. She'll tell you she doesn't need a babysitter, but I worry about her. It was different when we all went together, but leaving her behind . . . I don't like it."

"Yeah," Rick said looking up at Alex. "Sure, I can do that."

"Good. I fell badly, using you like this, especially now." Alex shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"No, it's the least I can do. She flew across a continent to bring me back. I'm pretty ashamed I dragged a pregnant woman across the world because I was too weak to manage."

"Weak is the last word, I'd ever use to describe Rick Hunter." Alex said shaking his head. "If I ever lost Dee Dee, I know I'd fall into a bottle and never climb out." He rose and paused a hand resting on Hunter's shoulder. "We are here for whatever you need, man. You are family, and we take care of our own - even if they are across the ocean from us. The kids are in the front room, but don't feel like you need to go get her. You know Dee Dee is happy as can be with that baby girl."

***H***

Alex leaves three days later. Rick stays home, while Dee Dee takes Alex to the airport. Alex had arranged for a babysitter, a college girl named Winnifred. He tries not to react to the name when Dee Dee tells him.

"She's really great. AJ loves her. I've got her references if you want to check her out first." Dee Dee tells him.

"No, I trust you, McCall." He has slipped completely back into the habit of calling her that, and she doesn't correct him. Alex doesn't even blink at it. He should be calling her Turner, but it doesn't feel right, McCall's the name he called her every day for years.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours, okay?" She pats his shoulder affectionately.

He walks the countryside, trying to adjust to the quiet and the loneliness. He meets an old man walking with a gnarled stick who tips a cap at him.

"Hello." He says politely.

"You're the Yank who's visiting."

"Yes, that's me." He wonders what the people in the village have been saying.

"We were surprised that Yanks wanted to move here. Most of 'em prefer city life. But the Turners are good people. Mrs. Turner directed a children's choir at the rectory last year. It was lovely." The old man leaned on the stick in his hand. "Are you family to her?"

"Yes. Well, sort of . . ."

The old man shakes his head at him. "You, Americans never give a straight answer."

"We were police officers together back in Los Angeles. She was my partner for seven years."

"Oh! I'd forgotten she was an officer! It is hard to imagine. I retired myself years ago." He nods at Hunter. "Then she is family."

"Yes." He agrees.

"You on holiday?"

"Yes." He answers definitively, knowing any hesitation will lead to questions he doesn't want to answer.

"Welcome to the village then! Stop in at the pub and I'll buy you a pint - one officer to another!" He tips his cap again and then continues on his walk.

By the time he returns to the cottage, he is exhausted both from the walk and his thoughts. He finds himself slipping away into memories of Corrie. As he imagines her soft, blond hair brushing his shoulder, or the sound of the laughter, he is filled with comfort and with pain. He finds himself in the garden again trying to determine a path forward and away from the disaster his life has become.

"Aren't you freezing?" Dee Dee's voice startles him. She stands beside him, wrapped in a long coat.

"What?" He glances at his watch. "Wow, I didn't realize what time it was. Alex get off all right?"

"Yeah." She answers softly, and moves to sit across from him. "I know he asked you to babysit me." She smiles warmly at him.

"You don't need a sitter." He says smiling back.

"I'm glad you agreed to stick around all the same. I miss you, Hunter." She leans back in the chair a hand on her stomach.

"Yeah, me too."

They sit in a comfortable, agreeable silence. He studies her face. She's grown her hair long again, which he always prefered. She rubs her swollen stomach absently; lovingly. He realizes he has never asked.

"Did you find out?" He asks with raised eyebrows.

"We did." She smiles shyly at him, waiting.

"Well?"

"Girl."

"Oh! That's great!" He rises and kisses her cheek. "I don't know why I never asked! A daughter! Well," He settles back into his chair. "She'll be nothing but trouble - just like you!"

"That's what Alex says."

"Daughters are . . ." He sighs, settling back. "Corrie was hoping we would have a son. She wanted a boy, but I really hoped for another girl. I love little Dee. Daughters are so sweet."

"I'm sorry about the baby." She says gently, surprised to hear him speak about it.

"Yeah." He sighs again. "She was so determined to protect that baby. I guess in the end it wouldn't have mattered. The doctor told me that even if they'd started chemo right away, she probably wouldn't have . . ." He rubs a hand over his face. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway." He turns away but can feel her eyes on him; understands that it is compassion and love but the weight of her worry burdens him all the same.

"Listen, McCall, I just need some time to . . ."

"Don't worry about me, Rick." He can hear the surprise in her voice. "You don't have to explain one damn thing to me! Just relax, stay as long as you like - stay forever! There's no one on this earth I love, like I love you. You know that."

"Yeah." He sighs, studying his feet. Finally, he lifts his eyes, and asks, "Why haven't you asked me about it? I know you talked to the captain."

"I did."

"But you haven't asked."

"No." She says nothing else, and he feels himself relaxing; tension leaving every muscle. He hadn't even realized how long he'd been on edge; tense; protecting himself from everyone around him. He looks up at her as she continues. "You can tell me later, when you feel ready - if you want. I don't give a damn, Hunter. You think I'm gonna care about what happened to some pimp back in LA?" Shaking her head, she rises. Leaning toward him, she lifts her small hand and rubs his cheek gently. "You're the best man, I know Rick. You are a good man, and no story you tell me can ever change my mind about that." She turns and walks toward the house, but pauses a few steps from him.

"Come inside, it's freezing."

She waits, her body half-turned toward him. He sighs, recognizing that there's no use fighting her. He lost his battle with her, the second he swung open the door to her. He rises, and walks slowly to her, and she holds her hand out to him. He wraps a long arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side.

"Quit bossin' me, McCall." He says in mock irritation, but she only laughs.

"Oh, shut up, Hunter."


	5. Chapter 5

He was surprisingly content to do nothing. He spent his days, playing with Dee and AJ. He would rise early with them, and feed them breakfast, giving Dee Dee the opportunity to sleep in. She would come downstairs around ten each day to find them playing in the garden, or painting at the kitchen table or surrounded by toys in Alex's playroom.

"You are a fantastic nanny, Hunter." She told him one morning, as she handed him a steaming cup of coffee.

"I've got skills you can't even imagine." He told her accepting the cup as he disentangled himself from the piles of stuffed animals that the children had placed all over him. "How you feeling?"

"Huge." She said with a grin.

"Hard to sleep?" He asked.

"Well, I always have a hard time sleeping without Alex by my side . . ." Her face grew pale, as she realized what she'd said. "I'm sorry, Rick. I wasn't thinking."

"What? You can't miss your husband because my wife is . . ." He swallowed and waved a hand at her. "That's stupid. Don't worry about it." He sank into the sofa. "We made pancakes. You just have to heat them up."

"Later." She said lowering herself next to him. He turned his face away from her, sensing that she wanted to talk, but he didn't want to. Talking about things was too difficult and hadn't really helped so far. It was better to allow himself to drift along never really thinking too much. He thought she'd press him, but he should've known better. No one seemed to understand him like she did. She said nothing, just sat beside him. He reached out and held tightly to her hand as they watched their children play.

***HUNTER***

They usually took a walk in the late afternoon. Winifred came over after lunch to watch the kids each day, and he teased her about being the Lady of the Manor.

"You got a butler too?" He asked.

"You looking for work?" She countered.

He had to admit the countryside was beautiful and the cold winds of England seemed to refresh and comfort him. He hadn't had a single drink in the three weeks since she'd found him, drunk, pathetic and alone.

They stood near a low stone wall, looking out over the green hills, and he turned to her.

"I didn't say thanks for you coming to get me like you did."

She looked up at him, a smile on her face. The wind whipped a long strange of her dark hair across her face, and she pushed away with her delicate fingers.

"You don't have to."

"I do." He sighed leaning against the wall. "It isn't like everything's all worked out now. I still feel like I'm drowning. I don't know what I'm gonna do." He ran a hand over his face. "I don't know how I can raise that little girl. I got no business raising a child. You know me, Dee Dee! I'm just a cop. I'm no family man! But hell! Corrie came along and . . ." He sighed. "I don't know. She wasn't like anyone I'd ever met. God! How am I supposed to go back to that empty life? How? And how on earth am I gonna raise her daughter without her?"

He turned to look down at her, and her face was marred with tears. The familiar guilt settled on his shoulders. "I'm sorry." He told her. "I shouldn't be upsetting you. I'm sorry." He turned to walk back, but she caught hold of his arm.

"Stop feeling guilty." She said firmly. "You think if you don't say that your brokenhearted, I won't know it? Rick! You can tell the truth to me. We got no space for lies between us. You and me, Hunter, we been through hell together before." She turned from him and settled on the wall, shaking her head. "When that bastard left me broken and bruised who did I call? Huh? And you came and got me, and slept on my couch every damn night!" She reached out to catch his hand in hers. "You stayed with me until . . ."

"Dee Dee that was . . ."

"No, you always do that! You always blow it off like it was nothing. But you and I know all about the statistics! Most _marriages_ can't manage to survive something like but you were there for me! Hell, you took a plane and were ready to kill for me!" She squeezed his fingers. "So don't act like this is some burden! You and me, we go way back - a million years."

"There's no debt between us." He said softly. "You know that."

"This isn't about debt, Rick. This is about family and the ties that keep us together. I can't say I know how you feel. I can't pretend to understand."

"You understand just fine, and you do know how I feel."

"I was married to Steve for 497 days, if you count the day he was shot - which I don't because he just kissed me on the cheek when I was half asleep to say good-bye. You were married to Corrie for nearly five years. You had child, and were ready to have another."

"I never understood it. I mean, I'd met Steve, and could tell when you were sad. I knew you were pretty focused on your work, but I didn't realize how hurt you were. I didn't understand that you were running."

"You understood plenty." She said.

"No, I didn't. I was stupid and selfish, and demanding. I could've shown you a lot more compassion. I didn't understand how it felt to have . . ." His voice was choked with tears. "To have your . . . heart ripped out."

She moved closer reaching up to put her arm around him. It was nearly impossible for her to reach his shoulder on a normal day, but her stomach made it all the more awkward, and he laughed in spite of the darkness of their conversation, lowering himself to sit on the wall so that she could put her arm around him.

"The only thing, I really know, Rick, is that for some crazy reason, they put the two of together, and those seven years were some of the best of my life, which is pretty crazy when you think of all the horrible crap that happened back then, but is true. We were a really good team."

"We still are." He said softly. He struggled trying to keep the tears at bay. "The day before . . ." He swallowed hard, and she squeezed his shoulder tighter. "The day before she died, she told me that she wanted me to keep talking to you." He glanced at her, brushing tears out of his blue eyes. "She said that it would make her feel better if she knew I would."

"But you didn't?" It wasn't an accusation, but rather a question.

"She knew I couldn't trick you or hide that you'd see through it all." He glanced at her. "And I didn't want to . . ." He sighed deeply. "I want to run. I want to hide. I want to be drunk forever and not . . . not . . .feel . . . this . . I . . .can't." He covered his face unable to keep himself from sobbing.

She said nothing, simply wrapped her arms around him, as he wept.

***HUNTER***

It was nearly dark when they finally walked back to the house. He felt no shame to have cried like he had. That was the one thing about Dee Dee, he could be his true self around her. He remembered when Corrie had finally met Dee Dee, and how she'd marvelled at it.

"_I got to tell you, I'm a little relieved she lives all the way across the ocean." She'd told him when they were alone again._

"_Why?" He asked her, surprised._

"_She's a hell of a lot to live up to! I've never seen you so comfortable! It took three months for you to be anywhere near that relaxed around me!"_

"_I told you. It was seven years of working together day after day, and some of those cases were so dark. And some of those days were pretty damn bad." He'd explained._

"_I know, but still. It reminds me of my brothers."_

_She had five siblings. Jody was the oldest and the only one living in California, but she also had another sister living in Atlanta, and twin brothers. They both lived in Colorado - next door to each other._

"_Does it bother you?" He asked. He had women complain about his connection to McCall in the past._

"_Honestly?" She asked. "I guess it does a little. It's clear you love her and she loves you."_

"_Yeah, but we aren't . . ."_

"_No, I know. Like I said. It reminds me of my brothers." She laughed. "I've never worried about the two them falling in love."_

"_Good because I'd worry about your family background then." He teased her._

"_We haven't got any mob ties." She said with her eyebrows raised. "No. You explained it. It makes sense. I guess it is like people who share a foxhole." She moved to settle in the circle of his arms. "But it was intense meeting her in person. She intimidates the hell out of me. I'm sure she thinks I'm some dopey college girl looking for a sugar daddy."_

_His laughter shook his whole body. "That's what she said when I first sent your picture in an email. Actually, she was making fun of me - saying I was clearly having a midlife crisis."_

"_Maybe you are." _

"_No. I was having a crisis all the rest of those other days. You're the cure, sweetheart."_

"_I just hope she likes me."_

"_She does. You couldn't tell?" He asked surprised._

"_I was too nervous."_

"_I can tell. She liked you a lot."_

"You okay, Rick?" She asked as the neared the house. "Wait. That's a stupid question. Sorry."

"No, I was just thinking of when you first met her. I don't know."

"I wish we had lived closer. She and I would've had fun torturing you."

"I was kind of glad you lived in England. The two of you managed just fine even with all those miles between you."

"I miss her." Dee Dee said wistfully. "I miss how happy she made you."

"Me, too."

They apologized profusely to Winifred who had stayed an extra hour waiting for their return.

"Oh, no worries." She had said as she gathered up her bag. "They are lovely children."

"Is it something in the water?" He asked Dee Dee after she'd left. "No one in LA is ever that nice!"

Dee Dee laughed. "You can see now why I left."

"Oh, you miss it!" He teased her. "The traffic. People swearing at you first thing in the morning as you try to drive to work." He nudged her shoulder affectionately. "Dressing up as a hooker, working the streets."

"Oh, God!" She laughed. "I'm glad AJ's in bed. The stories you'd tell him!"

"Remember that guy! He had the glass eye! What was his name?"

"Oh! He was such a colossal jackass! He made us call him The Man - what was his name?"

"I don't remember. But you beat the crap out him! He was sorry he ever brought you into the fold!"

"Winkie!" She said laughing as she remembered it. "The girls all called him Winkie!"

"That's right." He shook his head. "We put him away."

"One less stupid pimp on the streets of LA thanks to Hunter and McCall." She sobered realizing that they were dancing close to dangerous ground. His face had grown serious; his laughter gone.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." He said with a sigh.

"I already told you. I don't care about it." She said to him. "I don't need to know."

"Yeah, you do." He said seriously. "We don't have secrets, you and me. You said that."

"But it doesn't matter, and it doesn't have to be today. I think you've managed enough for today."

"You don't want to listen?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Jesus, Hunter! Don't be such a jerk. I just was trying to let you off the hook."

"I don't want to be. Come on. We better get some food in you. You're bad enough when you aren't pregnant - I can only imagine what would happen if we didn't let you eat."

He followed her into the kitchen.

"Go ahead a fix yourself a big stack of pancakes and some steak and eggs, McCall. And then I tell you just how stupid I've been."


	6. Chapter 6

Dee Dee followed him into the kitchen, but had no intention of eating anything. She knew that he needed to tell her everything, but to be honest she really didn't want to hear it. Talking to his captain had been difficult enough. She had heard all the rumors - the accusations, but hearing him tell it - she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

He stood leaning against the counter, with one long leg crossed over the other. She sat down at the kitchen table and looked up at him.

"Not hungry?" He asked and she shook her head at him. "Yeah, I guess not." He sighed and turned his face away from her.

"You don't have to tell me about it. I mean it, Rick. It doesn't make any difference."

"Yeah, it does. It makes every difference." He said turning to face her.

"You went back too soon." She offered.

"I did, but I don't know if waiting six months would make a difference." He shook his head, and moved to sit across from her. "Didn't it piss you off that Steve was dead and the world was full of . . . of . . . of scum?" He leaned in intensely.

She blinked at him, surprised by the question. "I . . . I" She stammered. "It ticked me off that there was no detective named McCall. It was the one thing he wanted his whole life."

He sat back nodding his head. "Yeah, I could see that. You pick up where he left off." He said nothing, simply sat where he was, chewing at the corner of his lower lip. She waited, knowing from experience he was working things out in his head.

"It's getting late. You should get your rest." He said abruptly.

"Are you ashamed?" Her eyes widened with surprised. "You worried what I'm gonna think?"

He hesitated, clearly struggling with what to say to her. "Yeah." He admitted at last, opting for brutal honesty. "I'm afraid if I tell you everything, this" He waved his hand between the two of them. "This will be over, and I gotta be honest Dee Dee, it's about all I got right now."

"It isn't all you've got." She protested. "You got a beautiful baby girl for one thing, and your family is pretty worried about you - not to mention all of Corrie's family."

"None of that is the same, and you know it."

"I know." She sighed. "Rick, what do you think I'm gonna do? You think I'm gonna judge you? You think I'm gonna shake my finger at you? Me?"

"Don't start McCall. This isn't the same thing." He said understanding what she meant immediately.

"It isn't?" She arched her eyebrows at him. "No, wait. You are right. It isn't. I lured that man into my house with every intention of killing him. I did everything in my power to trap and kill him."

"See, this is why I never should have come here." He rose rubbing his face with his hand. "I mean, it's ridiculous! I've got a pregnant woman sitting up in the middle of the night listening to my bullshit stories of woe and sorrow. And I've got you dredging up all that crap. No!" He shook his head forget it! Go to bed, Dee Dee."

"You're scared? I've never once known you to be scared." She smiled in spite of his grim mood.

"McCall . . ."

"You don't have to baby me, Rick. I am perfectly healthy, and besides, you'll let me sleep forever tomorrow." She grinned at him as he turned to face her rolling his eyes. "Come on," She said rising and reaching for his hand. She pulled him forward and back to the chair at the table. "And as for the past, it is what it is. It's a part of me - all of it. It can't hurt me anymore. It was all really, really horrible, but I recovered from it." She smiled sadly up into his face. "You made sure of that."

He said nothing, his face down, but she could tell by the resigned slump of his shoulders that he had decided to give in to her.

"Come on, Rick. Let me help you for once, huh?"

"I went back too soon." He said after a long silence. "You are right about that. I was on the edge though, you know? I just couldn't sit around that house anymore. I couldn't be there. Every damn room was filled with her - the whole house just reeked of her, and it hurt too much. I knew I had to do something or I was gonna pick up a bottle and never put it down." He finally looked up at her, his blue eyes shimmering with tears.

"It was the third day back, and I thought I was managing." He paused thoughtfully. "No, that isn't true. I knew I wasn't managing, but everyone else thought I was." He shook his head again. "It was routine too. It wasn't like it was some horrific case - you know the kind that gets under your skin and you lie awake for days after seeing all of it." He glanced at her and she nodded her head.

"All those broken bodies and ruined lives." She said remembering.

"Yeah. But it wasn't like that. It was just another goddamn street deal gone wrong. Someone didn't pay enough or didn't pay on time, and someone else had to prove they were the Man or whatever, and the next thing you know some kid from Iowa who ran away is lying in a ditch somewhere, and we're interviewing all the usual scumbags." He turned and looked at her. "You were so smart to get out. God, you wouldn't even know the city now. It turned so dark. I don't even remember when it started - just one day the place you loved and had such high hopes for is a cesspool."

"I was interviewing some stupid pimp." He shook his head remembering. "Jimmy the Leach. That was what they called him. I swear! Sometimes it's like they watched a bunch of crappy movies from the seventies and picked their names from them. And he was a colossal jackass. He was so . . ." He rubbed his forehead. "He was practically bragging about the drugs, and the girls he had working for him. God! They all looked so young! I don't know if it is just me getting old or what, but those hookers look like they belong in elementary school." He rolled his head from side to side, rubbing his neck with his hand.

"And then my hands were around his neck." He dropped his hands and stared down at them. "I don't remember thinking about doing it - I just found myself choking him." He turned to look at her. "I kept thinking that Corrie was gone forever, and this jackass would probably live to be eighty, you know. And I just wanted - I wanted to kill him. I was filled with rage." He turned away from her, embarrassed by the sudden tears that spilled out. He reached out and wiped his face and rose to stand at the counter with his back to her.

"I would've killed him, too, but Brad was there. He'd been interviewing some girls in the other room, and he came in and stopped me."

"But he's dead. Your captain told me that the guy is dead." She asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, that's a real kicker. He's screaming his head off about how I'm gonna be arrested, and he'll drain me for every penny I've got and Brad's dragging me out. And all I can think of is little Dee, you know and how pissed Corrie would be at me. I'm thinking that I've ruined Deanna's life for sure now - she's gonna lose both her parents. And then about six hours later, Brad finds me and tells me the guys dead - he never even had a chance to call a lawyer. It turns out that one of his girls was a runaway and her dad found her, but instead of taking her home - he makes her take him to her pimp and he pulls out a shotgun and kills the guy."

"Jesus."

"So, I'm free and clear." He turned to look at her. "Except everyone knows what I did - what I was gonna do, and now we are supposed to prosecute this poor father for doing the same damn thing that I wanted to do in the first place."

She said nothing for a long time. She sat back in her chair studying him. He stood facing her, leaning against the counter, his hands resting on the cold, dark marble. He kept his head down, unwilling to meet her eyes. Rising slowly, she stood before him.

"Is this the part where I tell you to leave?" She asked him.

"Dee Dee . . ."

"No, really? You think I'm gonna lecture you about any of this? Rick, it hasn't even been six months! You went back to work four weeks after you lost her - actually not even four weeks. And that damn city - that damn job will eat your soul even if you have the best life waiting for you at home! You think anyone back there blames you? Your captain was practically crying when I talked to him!"

"I nearly killed a man with my bare hands."

"So did I." She said stepping closer.

"You had reason, McCall. Don't you see what a difference that makes! I can't even think about that now without feeling so angry - if I could go backwards in time, I would have shot him, and saved his poor wife all that anguish. But this, this is just me, losing control for no reason at all. That stupid pimp hadn't done anything to me or mine. He was just another scumbag jackass."

"But you aren't fired."

"What difference does that make?"

"It means that your captain still trusts you. It means that everyone there knows you - knows that whatever happened was a result of a broken man lost in grief." She reached out for his hand. "Rick, you were hurting."

"How can I . . ." He shook his head and releasing her hand moved away from her. "How can I trust myself to be around little Dee? How can I trust myself to be around anyone I care about? What if I lose control like that again? What if I hurt someone? What if I hurt someone I cared about?"

"You would never hurt Deanna. You are a good man, Rick. You are."

"Yeah, I can tell. I try to strangle and guy, and get so drunk I forget to feed my daughter her dinner. If Jody hadn't come by . . ."

"No, Rick. Even Jody said that Dee was fine. It was only seven. It wasn't that late. If she had started fussing and crying, you would've fed her. You know you would have. The only reason Jody took her is because she was afraid that you would hurt yourself trying to take care of her - when you clearly weren't giving yourself space or time to deal with it all."

He covered his face with his hands. "It was a pregnancy test." He whispered. "It was supposed to a happy thing and I'm sitting there like some idiot with this big, damn grin on my face thinking how lucky I am." He faltered, swallowing hard. "And the doctor says, "Cancer." - just like that. And she won't do anything - nothing because of that baby. She wanted that baby so damn much." He sank into a chair. "And it was thirty-six days - you know, that? From the time he opened his mouth and said that goddamn awful word, until I'm holding her hand and she's whispering goodbye."

He turns his head at the sound of Dee Dee's sobs, and shakes his head again. He lifts his hand gesturing, "And I can't do it. I can't. I just want to close my eyes and have it all end."

He doesn't even see her walk toward him, she moves so fast which is impressive in her condition, but before the words are even out of his mouth, she is beside him. Her arms are wrapped tight around him, and he finds himself holding on, burying his face in her shoulder as she kneels at his side.

"You can do this. You have to, Rick. Deanna needs you, and Corrie trusted you take care of that little girl."

"I can't." His voice is muffled by her shoulder.

"You have to - you don't have a choice."

"Tell me it gets better. It has to get better." He pulls away from her, so that he can see her face. He would know if she were lying.

She exhales slowly. "I don't know, Rick. It's not like it doesn't still hurt. Sometimes when I think about Steve, and how things might have been . . .at first I just focused on making through the next minute and then after awhile I could think about the next hour, and little by little you are building a life for yourself again."

"I didn't understand." He repeated. "I was so insensitive. I treated you like it was no big deal. I didn't understand it at all. It's like . . . it's like being shattered but having to somehow act like a normal person when everything inside you is broken glass."

Saying nothing, she put her hands on the sides of his face, leaning close. "Promise me, you won't quit." Her eyes are locked on his, and even though he wants with every fiber of his being to turn from her, he can't. "Promise it, Rick. You need to think what it would mean to Dee when you get those crazy, dark thoughts. You need to think what it would mean to me." Her thumbs rub his face gently. "And you remember that the first person who'll meet you there is Corrie - and she'll kick your ass."

He chuckles at this, knowing she's right. "I promise." He says, already feeling a lifting as the dark secret he'd kept hidden - kept buried under a sea of alcohol are no longer secret. And then a sorrow rolls over him like an ocean wave, and he finds himself weeping in the arms of the truest friend he has ever known.

***HUNTER***

The sound of little Dee's voice, wakes him far too early. He is grateful though, for this time she isn't crying but simply jabbering in her crib. He glances at Dee Dee curled on the big bed beside him, and can't help but grin at her familiar snore. He throws off the covers and rising quickly, lifts his daughter out of the crib. He intended to leave quickly so that Dee Dee could sleep undisturbed but finds himself standing in a rare pool of early morning English sunshine, shifting from side to side, as little Dee rests her head on his shoulder. From where he's standing he can see Dee Dee peaceful in sleep. The clock reads 5:30 and he relaxes knowing that AJ won't wake until after seven. He crossed the floor and pulled the blanket over McCall's shoulder.

He tried once to explain it to Corrie. But explaining his relationship with McCall was impossible. He loved her; had loved her for years and years, and knew she loved him too. But it wasn't like the way he felt about Corrie. It was a completely different kind of love. It reminded him of Vietnam, and the way he felt about the guys he fought with, but it was different than that, too. He had served fourteen months with those guys - he had served nearly seven years with Dee Dee. It was kind of the way he felt about his sisters, but even that wasn't right. He didn't spend nearly every day with them - ten hour days. He had told her once that it was sort of like of marriage, and he guessed that was the closest thing to it. He had finally given up - unable to put their relationship into words. It was undefinable.

Watching her sleep, he feels such a deep gratitude for her - for that twist of fate that put it into someone's head that they should be partners. She sighs softly in sleep and he turns to leave her feeling guilty for keeping her up so late with his pathetic story of anguish.

She had walked him to his room last night, and he had felt weak and empty. He hadn't protested when she'd pulled back the covers and tucked him into bed. He lay motionless and she crossed the room to leave him.

"I don't want to be alone." He had whispered in the darkness.

She hadn't said a word, but had climbed into bed beside him. She lay curled next to him on top of the covers, eventually pulling a quilt over herself.

"Well, you've reached a new low, Hunter." She said softly.

"What?"

"Sleeping with another man's pregnant wife." She said and he found himself laughing.

"You were a fool to try and save me, McCall." He said. "I'm bound for destruction."

She moved closer to him, holding onto his hand, her small fingers familiar in his grasp.

"Aren't we all?"

He said nothing in response, but fell asleep holding tightly to her hand, comforted by her nearness.

"Da Da." His daughter's voice brings him back to the present, and he walks down the hall and down the stairs.

"You hungry?" He asks her. "Da da will feed you."

"Da Da take care of Dee." She says softly, and he swallows hard before he answers her.

"That's right, Da Da will take care of little Dee." He kisses her soft skin and she smiles at him; her face a near flawless mirror of her mother's - his dearest love - forever lost and yet near him even still.


	7. Chapter 7

"Put your feet up, hon." Alex said coming into the room where Dee Dee sat on the couch while AJ played on the floor with little Dee.

"It isn't as easy as it looks." She said laughing. At eight months, she was finding moving more difficult.

"The problem with you is that you are so tiny to begin with, that baby is gonna be bigger than you are before she is born."

"Don't even joke." She said looking wide-eyed and stressed.

"You'll do just fine." He said lifting her feet up onto the couch. He sat with her legs across his lap watching the two children play. He grinned at her. "The future."

"Yeah. I hope he gets along with his sister this well." She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

Alex glanced around. "Where's Rick?"

"Oh, I sent him into the village for supplies. I always enjoy trying to torture him with ridiculously complicated tasks. He's gonna spend a half an hour trying to figure out what the hell coriander is." She grinned up at her husband mischievously.

"Has he said anything about going home?"

"No." Her face grew sober. "Look, Alex, I'm sorry that it's been . . ."

"No." He said laughing. "I'm not irritated. I've never spent this much time with him. He's easy to like." She raised her eyebrows at him. "No. I just . . . you remember Jim Parker?"

"From that party at the Greenbows? The one with the comb-over?"

"Yeah. You remember. Well, his company is looking for a new head of security and I thought that maybe if he . . ."

"Alex!" Her eyes filled with sudden tears.

"Well, if he's gonna hang around here, he might as well pay his way." Alex teased, trying to minimize his offer.

"Don't." She said softly, reaching up to pull him closer to her for a kiss. "You are the sweetest man."

"I am." He said grinning. "No selfish motives at all."

She laughed and kissed him, but breaking away asked, "What selfish motives?"

"Keeping that smile on your face." He said leaning in for another kiss. "Even if it takes another man to do it."

***HUNTER***

"Listen, I'm not telling you that you need to do anything." Alex explained as he and Rick walked across the cold grounds of the Turner Estate - as Hunter called it. "We don't care. You stay with us for a year and don't do a damn thing, but I just thought I'd mention it - in case, you were feeling restless."

"I hadn't really been thinking about anything at all." The tall man said pausing at the edge of a dirt road at the back end of the property. He had always assumed that this marked the end of the property, but Alex continued across the road.

"Come on. There's something else." He led Hunter across a grassy field already covered in a light dusting of snow. They approached a small building.

"When we first bought the place, we thought Dee Dee's mom could stay here, but the house is so big - and after AJ it was clear that even if we put her out here, she wouldn't stay. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not tired of you. I don't secretly want you gone. I'm quite content to keep things as they are, but you've always been a private man, and it isn't like Dee is really good at giving you space. I thought you might want some space that is all your own. It isn't big, but it does have two bedrooms and a kitchen and bath."

"I . . . I . . . I . . . don't know what to say."

"Listen, she's told me all the things you did for her. I can't . . ." He swallowed twice. "I wasn't there then. I wish to hell I had been and maybe things would've . . .but you helped her and it seems to me that this is the least we can do." He made a sweep of his hand toward the small house. "But I don't want you to think you have to do anything. You are a free man. I don't want you to be obligated like this is all some wookiee-life debt thing."

Rick raised an eyebrow at him. "'Wookiee life-debt?' Is that some kind of nerd reference? Dee Dee said you were a bit a nerd." He grinned at Alex grateful for an opportunity to tease him and ignore the heaviness of the conversation. "And am I the wookie? Really? See, that's just like you - you gotta point out that I'm tall. Like I don't know it!" He shook his head at Alex who put a hand to his forehead.

"I knew I was gonna say something stupid eventually." But then looking up, he paused and said, "Wait, how do you know wookiees are tall?"

"She always fell for nerds." Hunter continued ignoring the question. He glanced around him. "I honestly don't know what I'm going to do." He let out a long slow breath. "I haven't been able to think beyond one minute at a time. It is so hard." He swallowed a lump. "But I couldn't have . . . if she hadn't . . ." He looked up meeting Alex's eyes then. "You both saved me. I would've lost Little Dee for sure. I wouldn't have pulled it together enough, and it would've been so easy to just drift away and let Jody take over. I could never say thank you enough for sending her to me. You could've told her no - you_ should've_ told her no."

"Dee Dee?" Alex raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Alex, I'm trying to . . ."

"I know you are, but life has way too much heaviness, doesn't it? You are a good friend. You are family. And she is so happy with you here. _ We _are happy to have you here for as long as you want." Alex reached out squeezing Rick's arm, and then turned and walked back to the house, leaving the tall man alone.

"Hey, Alex," Rick called after him. "Thanks. Thanks a lot. I'll think about it, okay?"

"Good."

Rick Hunter watched Alex Turner walk back to the house through the gray morning. He couldn't have imagined a situation in which he would consider the quiet man a friend - let alone family. He didn't think much of him the first time he met him - figured that he would dash in and out of Dee Dee's life like the others before him. But something was different - Dee Dee was different. She was upset. He sensed it long before she finally confessed it all to him. He was angry at first that Alex would be enough of a jackass to make her choose between the job and life she loved and him. He'd stormed after him so sure that he was just a selfish jerk who was using her. He wondered about that later - what was it about their relationship that he was always sure that the other men in her life were just using her? He knew she was smart, beautiful and sweet - so why did he expect her to choose badly?

She had been substantially more injured than he understood at the time - especially in those first years. Her husband was barely in the ground two years when they were first partners and he hadn't understood how hurt she was. He didn't realize that she had completely shut down emotionally - and had become an efficient, calculated detective - a robot. He'd been surprised as she had slowly relaxed - revealing emotion little by little - layer by layer. She rarely cried - which surprised him. They'd been in plenty of situations where tears would've been completely appropriate, but she always kept it together. And then just as she was coming back to life they'd had that goddamned Mariano case.

His rage had surprised him. Partners were so complicated which was why he had shied away for awhile - didn't want another partner getting in the way - didn't want to have to deal with all the emotions associated with living ten hours or more a day with another human. He just wasn't into commitment. But they didn't want him working alone and going rogue on them, so he had to get a partner and he liked the way Dee Dee worked - as cold, and as calculating as he did. But somehow, she wore him down - and maybe it was that raw edge that he never really understood until he stood beside a stone with his wife's name etched in beautiful scroll - that had weakened his walls, but he suddenly found himself caring deeply about a tightly controlled detective.

And finding her like he did, brought it all crashing home. The next thing he knew he was standing on foreign soil, a gun in his hand aimed at the bastard who'd harmed her. He had been bound and determined to make him pay - no matter the cost - his job, his savings - even his freedom. He couldn't let it go - couldn't let him go unpunished.

Even when she'd arrived and begged him to forget it and come back home - even then, he couldn't. He could see that his choice would cause her pain and knew she would feel guilty if he ended his days in prison, but it didn't matter. And he had lied to her - told her that he was going to let it go and then turned right around and tried to kill him.

He couldn't think back to that day without feeling confusion. He still wasn't sure what he had really been thinking - what he had really planned. He was a career officer - he had served two tours in Vietnam for God's sake - and he left that gun and turned his back on Mariano. Of course the jackass would go for the gun! Hell, he would've if someone had brought him out to the middle of nowhere and tried to kill him! Maybe he had set the whole thing up so he could shoot Mariano and feel justified. He wasn't sure anymore - except that he hadn't felt guilty about it; not much anyway. He'd hurt her and he was dead - which in the end didn't seem enough.

He knew she felt indebted to him - no matter how often he tried to explain to her that in some ways it had nothing to do with her at all - more his need for justice - his need to put things right so _he _could sleep at night. And as time went by, it was just something under the surface of their relationship - not often spoken of but at the core of who they were together.

She owed him nothing. In fact, the last five weeks left the balance sheet tilted her way. He meant what he told Alex. He would've never stopped drinking if she hadn't come. He would've lost his daughter; along with his sanity. But he wasn't sure about staying. It felt a little like running - from the responsibilities, from the consequences, from his memories. But on the other hand, he was content here. He liked the village and the people in it. They left him alone, and had no expectations of him. He was also pretty sure that a crime wave here would consist of some repetitive shoplifting. He liked to think of Deanna living in a world without junkies and pimps and homicidal maniacs.

His whole life had been clear. He'd known he'd wanted to be a cop - despites his family's obvious displeasure with the choice. He'd always known he'd be a detective - have a house on the beach and fifteen or so pretty girlfriends. He hadn't pictured himself settling down. He hadn't pictured himself having children. He couldn't imagine himself a broken-hearted widow - drunk and alone, fleeing the country after nearly murdering an unarmed pimp with his bare hands. Could he imagine himself a security cop in England? Could he give up his life in LA? Could he let go of it all and start over?

For the first time in his life, Rick Hunter was unsure.

***HUNTER***

_Author's Note:_

_I hope that you are still enjoying the story. I got a little behind on updating - sorry about that. Sometimes I can't manage real life and my stories at the same time. I appreciate any and all reviews._


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